Healthy Family Boundaries Create Healthy Family Members
The holiday season can be an emotionally draining time for many, myself included. It increases the chances of family conflict that often lead to anger, animosity, and heartbreak. However, setting healthy boundaries can change generational narratives and create new opportunities for intimacy.
Many Christians seem to have adopted the idea that boundaries are inherently negative. Somehow Christianity has come to define love as having no boundaries. If someone asks you for your shirt, you give it to them. If someone slaps you on one cheek, then you should offer them the other.
Do verses like these mean you can’t stand up for yourself? Or that having boundaries is sinful?
A careful, holistic reading of Scripture reveals that while there will be moments when Christians need to sacrifice and let things go, that doesn’t mean Christians can’t or shouldn’t live with boundaries. In fact, boundaries are talked discussed regularly in the Bible and even Jesus held his own personal boundaries.
What does the Bible say about personal boundaries?
While the image of the perfect family reunion with everyone gathered around a campfire is propagated as the American dream, anyone who has experienced unhealthy in-laws knows that it doesn’t always work out like that.
If you have a great relationship with your extended family, then that’s amazing ( I do!).
However, many people don’t get to experience this!
One of the main difficulties in establishing your own personal boundaries as a new family is differentiating from your family of origin.
Unfortunately, many parents don’t understand the “leave and cleave” discussed in Genesis.
Parents overstepping boundaries can put serious tension and stress on you and your spouse. Examples of parents overstepping boundaries are things like constant communication OR when you’ve asked for space and received inappropriate questions regarding topics like your finances or sex life.
If you don’t put down clear boundaries, these intrusions can lead to serious conflict in your marriage.
Setting boundaries with your family isn’t unloving, it’s biblical.
Setting Boundaries
While many Christians assume boundaries are inherently unloving, that really isn’t the case. Jesus and the Bible lay out clear and thorough examples of how to live within healthy boundaries. Unlike what many think, these boundaries actually work to foster healthy relationships.
A lack of boundaries can create significant issues because, without them, you can lose a definite sense of who you are. The goal of any relationship isn’t to become completely absorbed into another, abandoning your individual sense of self.
That’s what living without boundaries actually does.
Losing your personal identity, feelings, and dreams is seen as dissociative. Giving up your ability to choose is perceived as love. Sadly, many have lost sight of what love really is and instead have become satisfied with codependency in exchange for true intimacy.
If you are interested in learning about what healthy boundaries look like, I encourage you to reach out to us.
Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.
In Your Corner,
Joshua