Another 'New Year' Blog Post
During dinner this week, Joshua and I began to talk about New Year’s resolutions. He rattled off his list of what I deemed as Pinterest worthy resolutions in which I, the loving, encouraging and perfect wife I am, encouraged him to chase after in the coming months. Like the fabulous husband he is, he asked me about mine.
Resolutions? Me? Ha! No, no, no. No resolutions for me, thank you very much. Resolutions are failures in waiting.
This year, I’ll exercise more…. sleeps through 5:30 AM yoga class on January 10.
This year, I’ll eat better…. eats a box of Valentine’s Day chocolates one month later.
This year, I’ll actually use my Vacation hours…. uses all vacation hours in December.
This year, I’ll join a bible study… avoids women’s weekly bible study classes like the plague.
Truth be told, I’m not sure what I want out of 2020. As I look back over the last 10 years I struggle to find the good because, to be honest, there was a lot of not-so-good. Maybe you can relate?
Today, I took one of those vacation days and spent the day in a coffee shop: just me and Jesus. It’s been amazing! My soul is as satisfied as it can be this side of heaven, on days like today. But, it didn’t start that way. I’ve had this bible study on the book of Isaiah… I started it in June…. and I’m only on day 5 of the study. The struggle is real.
Do you ever find yourself trying to force your relationships to mirror others? Like, we all see those mattress commercials with couples all cuddled up and think… that looks cozy. And then, you go to bed and try and cuddle but your husband’s beard is scratchy, the wife’s snoring and the dog is pinning down the covers. So, you give up on the idealistic cuddle, roll over and lay down in the Heisman position and pass out into a pool of drool.
Please tell me it’s not just me….
Year after year, I find myself back in the same place. Trying to mirror my relationship with Jesus to that of my peers. Trying to conform my time with Yahweh into the likeness of an idyllic, theologically awakening time of peace and serenity with birds chirping and song erupting in my heart. And yet… it usually looks like reading a few lines of scripture, googling “sheaving floors” or some bizarre biblical reference, scrolling through Insta Stories and ultimately trying to find the perfect “quiet time” playlist while dust bunnies blow across my toes at the kitchen counter … and now I’m sweeping.
Again, please tell me it’s not just me….
There’s incredible value in spending time in His word, knowing scripture and the stories of our spiritual history. For me, I have to be careful to not compare my time and relationship with Jesus to others relationship with Him (or at least the relationship we think it is!). It’s important for me to balance my knowledge of scripture and my knowledge of Him proportionally. What that looks like for me isn’t always pouring over scripture but spending time meditating on a verse in a worship song, or asking Him to reveal a truth to me in my journal time… and sometimes, through these blog posts!
So, today when I got incredibly frustrated reading the study question prompts on Isaiah 3 and 4, I gave up and turned to Him… after I complained to Joshua of course… “Ugh, okay Lord, what do you want me to know about this scripture today?”
“For Jerusalem has stumbled and Judah has fallen, Because their words and their actions are against the Lord, To rebel against His glorious presence and defiantly provoke Him.” Isaiah 3:8
It’s so easy to think what we DO is offensive to God. We are commended to Glorify God by what we SAY as much as by what we DO! And here I’ve been all week… okay, all year, … moaning about how awful the past year/decade has been, dreading another 10 and feeling completely defeated. Even though my fear of not having the perfect relationship with Jesus is very real, acting on it is so disobedient and offensive to Him. It’s easy for me to say I spent time with God by checking off a box and answering a few questions. But to actually pursue Him, I have to DO so much more than what I SAY I do. I have to sit with him, soak in His presence, be thankful for Him and express gratitude toward him, and reflect on my stones of remembrance (Joshua 4).
In the last ten years:
I graduated from college
I started a professional career
Got married!
Ran my own consulting business
Joined a church
Restored relationships with my family
Got kicked out of a church
Lost friends
Found out about my husband’s addiction
My husband and I lived apart from one another for 6 months while he pursued recovery from drugs, alcohol, and pornography
Landed an incredible job through what can only be described as “God orchestrated” circumstances.
Made new friends.
Saw the gospel acted out in more ways than I can count
Joined a church for the second time
Got involved in a beautiful Recovery Ministry
Launched Suitcases & Faces
Became an Aunt
Paid off a TON of debt
Had fun along the way
I told you earlier I feel like resolutions are failures waiting to happen. And in many ways, I think that holds true… because I may fall short in all of these areas. BUT, despite that grace-filled fact, there’s a few resolutions I am willing to make in 2020:
Remember to reflect more on who God SAYS He is, and what He has DONE
Work on me and Jesus, not what others say me and Jesus should look like
DO more in my family, my home, my church, and my spiritual life
Tell us!
What have you seen God DO in the last year? The last 10 years?!
What are you looking forward to seeing God DO in 2020?