In the spring, we applied to get verified to adopt in the State of Texas. The organization we’d selected was a ‘Christian’ Adoption Agency that came with glowing reviews from those in our church community and town. During the process, we were asked to be 100% transparent in our past. Wise counsel, and the Agency, told us to be explicitly clear with our individual and collective histories. And we did, gladly! We fully believe the roads we’ve walked this side of heaven we’ve walked for a reason.
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We were removed from our church body in Dallas without any option for reconciliation. We were told to “go somewhere else and get healthy”. And swiftly excommunicated. Phone calls and text messages ceased. ‘Friendships’ vanished. To be very clear, we weren’t healthy. We were hurting and we hurt others as a result. And, the removal of our “ownership” (aka membership) to that church body was revoked without Biblical grounds.
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It’s 11:32 PM, three days before Thanksgiving 2021. Only moments ago I finished begrudgingly folding a load of laundry that I let sit in the dryer the past two days. Why, you ask? Well…. I stormed out of bed in a huff and anxiously needed something to do so….laundry it is! At least it’s the lesser of the two options: laundry or drown my anxious thoughts in Peanut Butter dipped in Homemade Vanilla Blue Bell Ice Cream. But, I digress. Back to the laundry. Perhaps something about the anger being forced upon clean cotton feels less damaging than forcing him awake to confess.
Confess what? I’m not sure - but I have a hunch there’s something.
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Do you ever find yourself trying to force your relationships to mirror others? Like, we all see those mattress commercials with couples all cuddled up and think… that looks cozy. And then, you go to bed and try and cuddle but your husband’s beard is scratchy, the wife’s snoring and the dog is pinning down the covers. So, you give up on the idealistic cuddle, roll over and lay down in the Heisman position and pass out into a pool of drool.
Please tell me it’s not just me….
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Ever feel like you’re grappling for any sense of normalcy? And before long, you’re doing anything you can to get back to where you once were? In the aftermath of trauma we experience hopelessness. In that space, we wind up seeking our own version of normalcy.
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We silently sit there, scrolling, double tapping, commenting.... judging. Based on what? A 4x4 image? A split second in time? The 1 in 37 selfies that she was proud of? The hours in the gym it took to be proud enough to even have that photo taken? You see a 4x4 image but what you don't see is the story behind it.
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Why did my virginity get stolen from me? True, I didn't want to give my virginity to him! But, I wasn't seeking after God at that point in my life. Instead, I was seeking validation from the world. I'd rejected who God said I was and accepted the lies of the enemy. Had I chosen to actively seek the Truth…
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"Where are all the good guys?" or "The men won't step up!" and my favorite, "They all be trippin'". Soon, I found some of these women turning to me and saying, "You're married, how do we find a good guy? Do you know anyone? What do you think - why aren't there any good guys?"
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Someone recently told me to quit speaking "christianese" and dive deeper. So, I'll get right to the point.
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In my daydream, I’m also a size 8 (because I’m type A and I have to be somewhat realistic!) with perfectly sculpted arms, my hair doesn’t frizz, my butt doesn’t jiggle and the Christian Louboutin heels I’m wearing don’t land loudly on the marble floors beneath me like hoofs on a horse. Instead, I glide - nearly floating - as I twirl and whirl in my couture gown… move over Kendall Jenner!
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So, when I see this video what sticks out to me are the things I never wanted you to see.
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My point here is this: we can suck as long as we're actively working in not sucking. Ya feel me? So, how do we grow? How do we go from being who we are today to a not-so-sucky version of us?
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The picture was taken in an instant, but the relationship between the two in the picture was built over long conversations, heartbreak, bad decisions, distance, good decisions, hard work, and ultimately a promise to be each other's ride-or-die until death.
Read More!["V" is for Victory [in Grace]](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b06bed0b98a78e4178b910b/1556073816099-TKDPO2GREZD959XZFSIX/IMG_0126.jpg)
Whether you're an entrepreneur, pastor, parent, student, employee, etc. it's important to know that leadership carries a very heavy weight
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….I was nauseatingly full of myself. Four years at a private Christian University that was paid for by money left to me by my late Grammy probably didn't help the cocktail that quickly became, 'The Kaitlyn Show'. My middle name might as well have been changed from Kaitlyn to Arrogance.
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Spring 2014 I did something no soon-to-be wife should ever do without asking her soon-to-be husband. I rescued a dog. Bringing our dog count from 1 to 2... Seeing as how our first fur-baby was named after Joshua's childhood favorite musician (Dolly Parton), we promptly named fur-baby number two, Ziggy Stardust. But I mean, look at that face? How could I have said no?!
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"There's something wrong with me. This isn't normal, right? I guess I just need to pray more or have more faith. I don't know. Maybe I'm just broken. I'm sorry to bother you with this. I probably sound so stupid."
Those are, loosely, the words I recall a young lady saying to me over the phone. I could hear it in her voice. She didn't actually believe the words that were coming out of her mouth. She was buying into a lie.
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That's us, isn't it? Trying with all our might to make something work out of our own knowledge or strength only to discover, we had the ingredients we needed all along...
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Have you ever heard a song and immediately thought someone had a magnifying glass on your life when they wrote it? A song that spoke so clearly to your life at the time it was undeniable it was meant for you?
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Then one day, He asked me to share what I’d been writing. No, not everything I write is for the eyes of all of you. But many times, He will reveal truths to me through our writing sessions, that are meant to be shared.
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